spectrum 5

i walked out of the apartment on my way to pay the phone bill and get some groceries when i walked into a small group of street kids hanging out in the stairwell. immediately, they stopped what they were doing and pushed their little hands in my face squeaking out : “money? money?” they put on their most pitiful faces and one even latched himself on to my leg and wouldn’t let go. all the while, i felt little fingers searching for tugruks in my pockets. eventually, i pried the one of my leg and when they realized i had nothing in hand they lost interest.

i’m always a little torn inside after things like this happen. i’m never quite sure what i should have done when i think about it in retrospect. one side of me thinks i should have had more compassion, the other side of me wonders if i was even compassionate. i’m trying to understand how to love with wisdom. why is it such hard work?